A Semblance of Civility – How to Approach Your Partner about Divorce
There’s nothing pretty about divorce.
No matter how or why it happens, it signifies an ending. It’s the ending of something which you once thought unbreakable. So, there’s no getting around the fact that divorce is messy. It will hurt. There will be times when you feel lost and you simply don’t know whether you’re making the right decisions.
Ultimately though, it doesn’t compare to the pain of a marriage which, for whatever reason, is no longer providing you with the right emotional support. In fact, staying in an unworkable relationship, because you’re afraid to pull the plug, is rarely a success. Plus, with the help of a great divorce lawyer, your separation can be speedy and stress-free.
The first step is discussing the decision to divorce. Often, this is the hardest part of the process, but there are a few ways to make things easier for all involved.
Consult with a Lawyer
You must decide whether to talk about divorce with your partner first or discuss options with a lawyer. Marguerite Picard, divorce and family lawyer in Melbourne, advises arranging a consultation. That way, you can speak to a professional, without making concrete decisions.
This is important because you don’t want to blindside your partner, unless you have reason to expect a fight over children or property. The best approach, if you have seen a lawyer is to be honest about this during that initial discussion. You owe it to your wife or husband.
Think about Your Words
The very last thing that you want to do is use your decision as a weapon.
Try to avoid, at all costs, the temptation to inform your partner about a divorce while arguing or in a negative space. This can cause a huge amount of damage and ensure that the process turns ugly.
If possible, spend some time alone thinking about what you’re going to say and how you’ll approach the subject. Again, try not to be overly emotional. Speak with care, choose your words prudently, and put yourself in their shoes. More than anything else, just try to be kind.
Don’t Be Drawn Into a Fight
This is much easier said than done, but it’s very important. No matter how calmly you speak, there’s always a chance that your partner will become very emotional and maybe even angry. They may try to draw you into a verbal conflict, but this never ends well for either party.
If there is yelling, shouting, or name calling, attempt to remove yourself from the situation until they have calmed down. Ultimately, nothing you say to them will be properly processed if they’re in a hyper emotional state. You need to wait until they’re ready to listen.
Keeping calm will help both of you make the right decisions as well. Take note that you stillhave to go through situations where both of you should agree upon, whether it is about preparing a quitclaim deed form for division of assets, or co-parenting and child custody.
Be Clear and Sure
It is very common for couples to reach a place where the relationship is not working, but they continue to try because the alternative is too hard. Usually, there is one party who knows exactly what they want, but they cave in the face of their partner’s emotional desperation.
In the end, this causes more pain than a clean break.
So, if you are sure (and you should be before you decide to have the talk), you need to stick to your guns. Be aware that they’ll try to change your mind, but stay strong and assertive. Don’t be emotionally blackmailed.
Make Alternative Arrangements
It’s going to be extremely difficult to remain in the same space as your spouse after deciding to end your relationship for good. Even if you don’t move out immediately, it could be a good idea to arrange an alternative sleeping space for a night or two.
This will give your partner some time to digest the news and think about how they want to respond. Take the time to explain this to them before you leave. Make sure that they know you’re not leaving the house out of spite or anger, but to give yourselves some breathing room.