What to Do If You Suspect Infidelity
One study found that 21 percent of people have been in a non-monogamous relationship. That’s a relatively high number, but it also means roughly 4 out of 5 people have only been in monogamous relationships. That means that, for most people, a partner that’s seeing someone else is cheating.
It’s never fun to suspect infidelity, but if you think it’s happening, you can’t ignore it. You deserve answers about what’s really going on. Here are three possible ways to approach things if you suspect your partner is being unfaithful:
Talk to them
This is the first and most obvious solution, but that doesn’t mean it’s going to be enjoyable. Your communication might be good with your partner in general, but asking, “Hey, are you cheating on me?” is never a fun topic to bring up. If you’re going to address it, you have to be sure and do it the right way.
Experts say you should not be confrontational or go into attack mode. After all, you just suspect something is up right now. Ideally, you’ve already talked about your own personal definitions of cheating. If not, it’s way past time to have that conversation. If your partner thinks flirty texts are fine and you don’t, that’s something you’ll need to resolve.
It’s also OK to ask things like why they’re mentioning someone else’s name a lot. If they just got a new coworker they can’t stop talking about, ask them what’s up, but try not to sound accusatory. Their reaction could tell you something. If they laugh and give you a plausible explanation, that’s good. But if they get defensive or try to shut down the conversation, that’s a potential warning sign.
Do detective work
You should only do this if you’re prepared to find something unpleasant. Some people might talk to their spouse and decide that, while something doesn’t seem right, they don’t feel like digging any deeper right now. It’s your relationship, so you get to decide what you’re willing to tolerate.
For other people, though, trying to talk to their partner will just raise more questions. Their anxiety might spike if it seems like their partner is becoming more secretive or otherwise pulling away. At that point, you may decide to catch cheaters using online tools. For instance, maybe your spouse says they’re texting someone from work. Sure enough, the name on their phone says “Joey from Work.” 0
However, if you can go into your partner’s phone long enough to view the real number, you’ll be able to run a reverse phone check. It might really belong to someone local, but it might also belong to a seemingly random woman who lives in the suburbs. If your partner is lying to you about who they’re talking to, then there’s no telling what else they might be concealing.
You’ve done some digging and, while you don’t have any texts that explicitly denote an affair, you could have some pretty damning stuff. That evidence is going to leave you with a lot of feelings. You may feel ugly or unworthy, or think that if you had done something differently your partner would have never strayed.
Such thoughts are natural, but that doesn’t make them helpful. If your partner had an issue, they could have talked about it with you rather than seeking comfort in someone else’s arms. A therapist can remind you of that. If therapy isn’t an option right now, try doing something else that makes you feel good. That could mean finally buying that sequine dress you’ve had your eye on for a while. It might mean going out with your friends for drinks and telling them everything. Better yet, buy the dress and then wear it to get drinks.
One thing you should not do, though, is try to start your own affair as revenge. Chances are, that’s only going to make you feel worse. You can’t repair your relationship by breaking it further.