With the holiday season approaching and temperatures dropping, we’re looking forward to cuddling up in front of the fire with a glass of wine and that special someone. If you’re currently flying solo, now’s the time to grab yourself a Tinder Lothario to take with you to those awkward family dinners.
But don’t let the temptation of a December romance lower your standards! You deserve more just than a Christmas fling. To help you weed out the duds from the studs, we’ve put together a list of five traits you should be looking for in a lover in 2020 and beyond.
- Sense of Humor
In the age of social media, one couldn’t be blamed for thinking that a tall, dark and handsome man is a must-have to spice up your life (and Instagram). But even for a drop-dead gorgeous model like Elena Matei, looks aren’t at the top of the list. In a recent interview with Maxim, Elena Matei identifies a “great sense of humor” as her top trait for a partner. Experts agree, with psychologist Ryan Howes explaining, “the strongest couples I’ve met have the capacity to laugh at themselves.”
Not only is humor is a fantastic way to diffuse tension in relationships, but laughter also causes your brain to release endorphins (‘feel good’ chemicals’), which in turn ease stress levels.
So, when you’re picking your guy, make sure he’s got more than just a few knock-knock jokes up his sleeve.
- Emotional Intelligence
Not to be confused with book smarts, emotional intelligence refers to a person’s ability to understand and regulate their own emotions and recognize the emotions of others.
Studies support the long-standing stereotype that women are better and taking on board the feelings and opinions of their partners than men. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t men out there with high emotional intelligence. So, if you’re the type to always compromise and put other people’s needs first, it’s vital that you choose a mate who is willing to meet you in the middle and be able to identify when you need some TLC.
Emotionally intelligent individuals are also better able to approach conflict and differences of opinion with maturity and respect, leading to an overall healthier relationship.
- Confidence
For most women, confidence is a must have trait in a prospective partner. David Klow, psychotherapist and owner of Skylight Counseling Center, lifts the lid on why: “Women like direct men the same way a salsa dancer likes a good lead. When there is clarity and direction, she feels relaxed. If she can’t trust his movements, they step on one another’s toes. If he is direct and clear in his leadership, however, everyone wins.”
However, it can be easy to mistake cockiness for confidence. Here’s a tip to suss out your date: if he tells you what a great catch is, he’s probably not all that. A confident man will show you in his movements and manner that he’s worth your time.
- Chemistry
While not strictly a trait, chemistry is too important not to make the list. Most of us have been in a situation at some point in our lives where we’ve ended up in a relationship because the guy looked great on paper. After all, if he treats you like a princess, is kind and has a stable job, what’s not to love?
Unfortunately, the reality is: it doesn’t matter how smart, wealthy or good-looking a man is: if you don’t have chemistry, it’s not going to work. When choosing a new partner, you want someone who makes your heart race. If kissing him doesn’t make you weak at the knees now, things certainly aren’t going to improve in five years with two kids.
As tidying-up guru Marie Kwondo always says, ask yourself, “does it spark joy?” If not, let it go!
- Stability
When you get to a certain age, you realize that the ‘bad boy’ who doesn’t like commitment and can’t hold down a job for more than six months isn’t just “free-spirited,” he’s irresponsible.
The older we get, the more appealing stability is. It’s not just about the financial security — a man with a stable job and his own place has demonstrated that he’s dependable and capable of making commitments. This is particularly important if you’re looking to settle down and start a family.
However, this doesn’t mean you should settle for a boring boy just because he has a five year plan (see point 3!) — just that a guy can be exciting and spontaneous and still pay all his bills on time.
The dating game isn’t easy, but by keeping these five top traits for men in mind, you’ll be much more likely score that perfect kiss under the mistletoe.
