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Being marriage mates can feel like an amazing domestic bliss, but sometimes you get so caught up in being husband and wife that you forget to be friends. Many couples who have long-lasting marriages attribute their success to the fact that they are best friends as well as lovers. Are you finding it hard to connect with your marriage mate when it comes to friendship? It’s never too late to make your spouse your friend. Here are some tips on how to become your spouse’s BFF.
- Be Kind
If you thought about all the qualities you would want in a best friend, ‘kindness’ is probably at the top of the list. Show kindness by doing the little things, such as making your husband’s coffee in the morning or complimenting your wife’s new hairstyle. Avoid complaining about your spouse and always look for the good.
- Take Interest in your Spouse’s Hobby
This is one of the biggest tips to become your spouse’s BFF: take interest in their hobbies. Friendships are usually formed when two people have something in common, like a hobby or pastime. Blend the two worlds together by taking an interest in your mate’s favorite things to do. Don’t be disingenuous about it, ask questions and find a hobby that you can enjoy doing together. If she likes to read, listen to some audio books together with a glass of wine. If he likes sports and outdoors, go biking with him or head out on a couple’s run. The more you have in common the closer your friendship will be.
- Give Each other Space
Friends know when to give each other space. It’s important to take time for yourself in a relationship. This helps you maintain a sense of self and do the things you can’t always do with a romantic partner. It also gives you the opportunity to maintain the friendships that you keep outside of your marriage. Don’t take your partner’s alone time as a personal attack on how desirable you are to hang out with. Instead, embrace alone-time and give your partner time for personal things.
- Spend Quality Time Together
Repainting the living room and weeding the garden are both activities that you could use your spouse’s help in, but it isn’t exactly going to be a night to remember. Nurture a friendship with your mate by spending quality time together doing something fun. Many couples practice this on date nights.
Date nights don’t always have to be romantic in nature. They can also be spent doing something relaxing and enjoyable in each others company. For example, you could watch a movie together with some of your favorite snacks, go for a hike, head out for ice cream, play card, board, or video games, watch funny videos, or go bowling.
- Celebrate Your Mate
Best friends celebrate when one of them does something important. They aren’t jealous, judgmental, or silent. They jump up and down, cheer, and send grinning emoji’s accompanied with balloons and fireworks! One tip to becoming your spouse’s BFF is that when your mate does something as impressive as making a big sale at work, or something as modest as reaching a fitness goal, celebrate them! Never be afraid to make a big deal out of your mate, tell them you’re proud of them and give positive affirmations for their accomplishments.
- Don’t be Negative
When you’ve been married for a long time it’s easy to come up with a list of little annoyances that your partner does on a daily basis. Rolling his socks up in a ball on the floor, her leaving K-cups on the counter until garbage day, the list goes on and on. But, good friends are not negative. They don’t bash bad habits or throw past mistakes in each others faces. Practice having a positive quality and be the kind of person you would like to be friends with.
- Be Open
Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you automatically know everything there is to know about one another. What is your mate’s long-term goals for work or life? Do you see children in your future? What are some new hobbies they are excited about? Best friends communicate openly with one another about their wants, needs, interests, goals, and their overall lives. Practice doing this with your mate and encourage them to share things with you in return.
- Be Supportive and Not Judgmental
Friends don’t judge friends; they support them. Similarly, it is equally as important that you are not judgmental with your mate. If they are revealing something to you or are thinking of pursuing a new opportunity, don’t pass judgment or make them feel inferior. Instead, encourage your partner to try new things and assure them that you will have their back the whole time.
Another way you can be supportive is by being there for your spouse when they are in emotional or physical need. You may have the urge to try and fix their problem immediately, but the truth is sometimes all it takes to be a real friend to your mate is a listening ear.
- Don’t stop dating one another
When you dated you didn’t worry about who was going to empty the dishwasher or take the dog for a walk. No! You dressed up for one another, went out for coffee, met at random places, made inside jokes and laughed. The bottom line? You had fun together, so why should you stop now?
It doesn’t happen overnight
Even if you are the closest romantic partners possible, that doesn’t always mean you’re the closest friends. It’s hard to be patient, but just remember that becoming your spouse’s BFF doesn’t happen in a day. Just like any other bond, it takes time to build a strong friendship. Put in the time to become your spouse’s BFF and you’ll never regret it.
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